I have been changing in my thoughts. And finding it hard to be happy.
I have not wrote much just been doing art and not much more. I do not even have much to say to those who may call..
I found with this weeks chapter of the book.
It asked for us to list things we hate about people we dislike. And try to make some of it part of our life. I refuse to be unkind, mean. dishonest and unloving. I spent most of my life trying to understand my Mother.
All I can do is feel sorry for her loss. As she pushes every one away.
She gives no love so in turn she receives no love.
I see we are to analyze them, to understand where they come from. But I will not add there behavior to my life.
This book has brought out my suppressed negative side. That I got from her.
And I do not like being this way. SO!
I will not be doing any more posts for the book, The joy diet
This book is not for me.
I will so miss all the wonderful people.
But I feel out of control, like the witch I painted.
I need to take control and find some thing to look forward to. That will help me get through this winter.
When I started telling my self the truth, it became an issue. That I can not find a way out of. There is no joy in that.
The creativity chapter is a wash. And I am up to treats. And I think I will close this book and look for another.
I am sorry this is a negative post. But I had to tell the truth.
I need happy thoughts. And friends who really care.
Best wishes to all.
23 comments:
Goodness, you sound blue! Don't go there E! That pit of sadness is just harder and harder to get out of. Recognizing it is power. A power you didn't have before. All my love to you dear!!!
Sorry you're in a "funk". That happens to all of us at times. I guess we gotta be that way at times so we can better appreciate the good times.
Hope you find the joy again soon!
Hugs
Sue
I love you beautiful friend.
I can really understand you. It's a hard task and I think this last chapter was...hmmm-let's say strange.
Sorry that you don't feel comfortable with it, but your decision is right. It must be a joyful path or it isn't a good one.
xoxo Take care!
Oh sweet Grammy, I so get this!! I had way too many negatives in my life -- people, their attitudes and in order to survive I have worked hard to move beyond that. I too had a bad reaction to the enemies part of this chapter. It sat like something rotten in my stomach.
I understand you stopping the book club and the Joy Diet, I really do. I'm inclined to be doing the same thing and from what I've been reading of other people's comments, the feeling is almost universal. Knowing that others feel the same helps us to accept our own feelings.
I hope you find your way back to your art and your happiness in creating. Who need someone else to tell us how to find our joy? Perhaps we've had it all along! ♥
Grammy as you well know by now I feel the same too! I have also worked so very hard to try to love everyone as Christ would...to see past the negative stuff and bad things and try to see the good. I try to remind myself everyone has a story..maybe that person is having a really bad day for a really good reason....etc.
I have issued within my own family..that have been tough to just sort of put aside. I have done so and made peace with it all. I see no purpose as you said to drudge up stuff and try to make it part of your daily life now...and for joy? As you said...that is not joy. It almost reminds me of the frenzy people get on the Jerry Springer show...everyone wants to jump on the bandwagon when the bad stuff starts....cutting people down and apart left and right..like that brings them joy!???
Anyway.....sorry...I am ranting yet again on someone else's blog. Sorry about that.
I DO understand and get your feelings...as I feel the same way...and we are not alone! Isn't that strange?? The way it is affecting so many of us in the same sort of way??
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{BIG HUGS TO YOU}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
we´ll keep in tgouch any way. {hugs}
Facing some of our truths may put us in a non happy place (I used unhappy in my owm post but I´m stepping away from unhappy on to non happy, hoping to be back to happy soon ;) )
Hey, hugs to you Grammy. This book is just not for you. We'll all still be here visiting your blog regularly and enjoying our chats.
Go pick up a paintbrush, grab some paper and just slosh paint about. Do it for the sake of painting rather than creating anything special. Just let it all out.
Hugs
x
I am glad you recognized that this book is not right for you! That took some courage, especially as you had to do it publically. And in front of a whole group too.
One size does not fit all, and if it doesn't feel right - it isn't!!
You were (and still are) always an inspiration to me. I was feeling so sad and so bad because of my hubby's illness, but all I had to do was come to your blog and I'd feel happy. You helped me through last winter, just by being a joyful, positive person. I'm sure you didn't feel joyful every day, but you spread joy. You projected joy and I felt good reading your blog.
I will always be grateful for that. So, Grammy, continue on your fine path, learning, loving and laughing with all of us - your friends.
Hugs
Thanks for sharing where you are in your journey and your desire to step away from this book, you have to do what's best for you. i hope you find joy in creating. I will miss your feedback and support but i will stop by and read your blog.
Take the other road, quickly!
Now you've tried and you know its not for you, try something else.
I do notice your art is a contant, that is good. Let the feelings flow into your art.
Have a great weekend.
The more I read the other posts, the more I realize that this whole thing about getting pissed off is intentional. Think about it. The chapter in the JOYYYYY diet on creativity asks us to address our enemies. OK... what is the enemy of joy? Could it be perhaps the angry bitch that has come creeping out of us all during this chapter? I think that it is hilarious if we can see it. My nerves were struck too. How can we be joyful if we are looking dead in the face of how WE need to be more like our ENEMIES?? It is laughable, and at the same time - it is my personal belief that we will not be any nearer to joy than the day when we realize that we are all connected and that our enemies are part of us.
It is the dark of the moon. Has that ever bothered you before? My moods work in cycles sometimes(not always) according to the moon. I hope you get a surge of joy....and please know you do have friends out here in blogglandia.
Sorry, that this chapter upset you. HUGS to you. Thanks for sharing this so publically. I wish you love and joy.
Oh Grammy - so sorry you have been affected so much by this book/chapter. It takes courage to step back and say enough!
There are a lot of us that look for your comments so we will be stopping by.
I didn't find this chapter very helpful - but then I am just taking what I need to help me.
Keep on with your art - that is so liberating!
tAKE CARE.
Hi Grammy-
I support you, too, in not continuing with the book. I have been struggling with it, but not in the same soul-deep way that you have.
If I may suggest a beautful book (maybe still not the one for you, but maybe it will be), "Life is A Verb" by Patti Digh. Her blog is www.37Days.com. She is funny, touches my heart and has a ton of activities, but they are all choices. Her book actually DOES bring me joy in a much more immediate way.
I love your first wisdom card, by the way. Wonderful!
We will stay in touch! Hang in there! :) Hugs to you!
(((((((((Grammy))))))))))
I've been through several serious depressions and though this may not be your situation, I do understand you when you say you need to step back and focus on keeping your thoughts positive.
Sounds like you know what is best for you at this time (Warrior Wolf!!). Focus on that and know that there are many out here who support you.
Peace!
I'm so sorry that you're having such a difficult time. Your honesty is simply beautiful. I honor that you are taking care of yourself and moving on, yet I'll miss your insights and your presence... please know that so many of us support you on your journey.
Hey lady- I completely understand. However, you must know it is a hard read and the book does takes me to places I really do not want to go. However, I have found a way to work through it in my own way. Peace & Blessings to you!
Hi there... not sure where my original comment went, so thought I'd leave you another... I just want you to know that I support whatever decision you feel is right for you. Only you know the next step for you... and what will bring you joy. I honor your process, hold you in my heart, and will miss your presence here among this marvelous group of seekers! Many hugs...
Sorry to lose you! I felt that way at first about the enemies part of this chapter, but when I dug deeper it was interesting what I found...
Thanks for popping into my "Desire" post too!
Kathy C.
http://SoulReaderBlog.blogspot.com
I just wanted to send you some supportive vibes and let you know that I think it is great that you are putting self-care first.
I have been intrigued by my expectations for various chapters. Those that I didn't think were going to fit - I actually enjoyed - like desire. But creativity - I really expected to love this chapter - and I don't. I decided not to do the enemy exercise. It's not that I have such difficult enemies to deal with (like a family member); but even so, I felt like that would be a tricky exercise to figure out what was the real crux that might be helpful. It felt like an exercise that would be useful in therapy, perhaps, but not easy to do on my own.
I'll miss your posts on these menu items, but fully support your doing what you need to do for your own path.
Cleansing breath, big hugs.
Post a Comment