Wednesday, January 27, 2010

What do you wish to awaken?

I wish to awaken my soul. And free myself from the need to control.
I want to live a life full of love. And fly like a dove.
Life has so many curves. I wish to leap above then all. And never fall.
But they are all lessons we must learn. We all will have our turn.
They shape us and mold us. They are what made us who we are today.
So I set free my need to rule the roust. And wonder what journey is in store for me.
Will I be free. Will I live at the sea. Or will some one turn me over there knee.

Please visit Jamie to read more wishes. or share your own.

Have a wonderful day and remember to laugh and play.Photobucket

Monday, January 25, 2010

Lifes ups and downs.

In the past I would let every problem take over and become my life.
I am so thankful now, that I am learning to deal with each one and let them go.
When it comes to your child that is a bit harder. I still feel her pain. But I can keep telling my self it happened to her not to me. My job it to adviser her. And not to take over and try to fix them. She has to learn to deal with the hand she is dealt.
Her latest issue is a house fire.

We have her baby here with Amy. No one was in the home at the time so no one was hurt.
This is the first time I have ever stayed home and sent hubby and Amy to help her. I was on the phone. But I am not well enough for the 3.5 hour drive each way. I keep wondering if I am being judged. As Hubby is not use to being the one to do any thing. This is all a new adventure for him. It is like I am still in control. but he is doing the physical part.
But what I see now is they all need to learn to do things with out me. I need to retire from control. I will advise if needed. But I can no longer be the one making choices for others.
Hubby don't understand why we do not have the kids. But I can not care for my self. So how can I care for some one else. So Cullen is with his dad. And Amy is fine with 2 baby's. and there 2 older ones.
No one realizes I am physically broken. I do not want pity , just understanding. I am not lazy. I am disabled. I hope this will go away.
Have a wonderful day and remember to laugh and play.Photobucket

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Who am I ?

This I feel is my best words yet.
Have a wonderful day and remember to laugh and play.Photobucket

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

The eagles have landed

Hubby and I went to bagnel dam on the Osage river side yesterday.
It started off a bit like last year.
Hubby had a negative attitude.
There not here!
This time I did not let him bother me.
I said thats ok. The gulls are at play and its a nice day.
Hay that rimes. LOL
So we get in the truck and drive toward the boat launch area.
And I say stop look in the tree.
So we look. Ah there is an eagle. hehehe. Yes!
We dive a bit farther I say look.
We stop. Its just a blue heroin.
That was diffrent I never seen them in hiding before.
Normally there dive bombing the water. Or standing.

Then we reach the boat ramp area. We look across the river and there is another one by the VFW hall. We have a guy come up to us and ask about my camera. And he shows me his. A couple more guys come over. The oldest one heres me say my Sony bought out Minolta. All my 35mm Minolta lens's fit on this Sony. He sad he had the his first Minolta back in the 50's, when he was in the military stationed in Japan. He took some really wonderful photos of Marilyn Monroe. Then his son said he has the photos now. We had a wonderful time talking to them.
So then, I said lets go to the VFW. So there they were in person 2 eagles
We walked right up and under the tree. I even got a butt shot. It looked like he was saying. A little closer please. I was not that dumb. I did not want to be pooped on by an eagle. Yuk!
Hubby had the Kodak easy share and could not get a photo to save his life. He could not see them in the screen. He then took off with my camera. He caught the one take off in flight. it was half a bird. But the next 2 was good shots. My camera is working ok, on the 75-200 mm lens. But will not focus on the other one.
After this hubby said next time I am going to pick out my own camera. I want to look through the hole like a regular camera. I told him it is quite allot of money like mine to get that feature. I asked did you like the camera the guy over there had. He said maybe. So we stopped at a pawn shop on the way to Walmart. And there was one like the guy had for $139.99 used. He thought is was ok. They would only go down 10% and it did not have every thing with it. So we went on to walmart. There was a new one that was 10 mp. for 189. It was the last one. So I asked about it and she gave me 10 % off. Same warranty. So I got hubby his own camera. Now lets see if he uses it. It would be awesome, if he takes an interest in any thing other than tv. So this may be the answer to get hubby off the couch. Yes my year of bliss may happen.
Have a wonderful day and remember to laugh and play.Photobucket

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Deck of me week 3

This weeks challenge I created this card.
I am using the skeleton key to represent external and material things in life.
Like jazz up my clothes, Find friends here.
Spice for new health food.
The eyes for open my eyes and see every thing.
Chili peppers for heat.
Our water line to the washer finally thawed . So we can wash cloths again. Yea!
The heart for love.

Okay this is our prompt for week 3 of the DECK OF ME CHALLENGE! WHAT area of your life needs spiced up? Is it your love life? Your family life? Maybe your wardrobe or home needs a little spicing up? A little change? I know right now my organizational skills at home needs a kick in the butt! haha. Have FUN with this one and I look forward to seeing your cards!

Please stop by Healing art each Monday to see the new prompt and add your card to the group.
Have a wonderful day and remember to laugh and play.Photobucket

Saturday, January 16, 2010

The Deck of me challenge

This is a challenge that started many years ago. I stopped looking at year 2007
When it was called a mini Art Journal among other things.
But for now Melinda posted a group called The Deck of me challenge
Where every Monday a prompt will be given and you create
a playing card with that meaning for your self.
You can decorate 1 side or both, use a regular deck of cards or jumbo.
I am creating mine digital then gluing them to the card.
So fee free to jump in on the fun.

WEEK 2 PROMPT: "What is a quote that is meaningful to you right now in your life?"
WEEK 1 PROMPT: "GOALS." What are some of the goals you have for yourself for this coming year?

Please visit
To see what others are doing and to post your creations too.
I just started this group Jan 5, 2010 so please invite your friends to join in the fun too.
Have a wonderful day and remember to laugh and play.Photobucket

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Thank you Mark

Marks post on Jan 8 had the most perfect words for the collage I did on the 7th of Jan. His blog The Naked soul is full of wisdom. And he is full of love.
He shares his spirit with the world. And is a blessing to many.
Click on photo to enlarge.
Title is Treat your self like a Queen.
This is what my writing on the page says.

I was reading today and found the perfect words to write in my Healing art journal for this page.

It is through self love that we will make true and sustained change in our daily lives
When we love ourselves enough to make the changes we truly desire to make .
We raise our level of awareness and open the doors of consciousness, that were blocked by thinking.
Our thoughts, allow and justified unwanted and unhealthy habits.
When this happens we create incredible opportunities to re-discover our true being.
We have to understand that we are not really sacrificing who we are.
We are only sacrificing is a false self that is ruled by surface ego.
From M. tns

My thoughts on this spontaneous collage. were

For me I have acceptance of self. But I can not say I love my self.
I feel I have control of ego. I no longer let it rule my life.
But in keeping with this collage only.
I see the Queen represents me.
I see her as having Self-esteem. As she is a person of power. She has wisdom and knowledge. ( I think I do)
She makes laws and hopes others follow. (mom, grandma, wife has this power)
She loves wildlife. ( so do I. )
The eagle represents strength, courage, and power. (I need to work more on mine.)
She control's people. (I do not.) I believe in live and let live. I found inner peace by letting go of control. You can not change any one but your self.
The symbol hidden in the tree branches represents. positivity. It is my goal to not let any negativity in my thoughts control or rule my life any more.
The orange and orange juice represent health and sun shine. I need more of both of them.
The wings represent the new me who is free to fly in my mind.
You can see more of my healing Journal here.
Have a wonderful day and remember to laugh and play.Photobucket

Saturday, January 9, 2010

A blissful day

Today has been a blissful day as in keeping with my word for the year 2010
I received an invite from my friend L on face book . It was to join a group called" I Grew Up In Or Had Friends In St. Ann MO (Saint Ann MO)"
There is not as many people as the one from the Overland area where I lived.
But I do know people from there. And Shopped in this area most of my adult life.
I went threw the photos and found the 2 on the left below. As I thought they were great. Who would have thought. traveling dinosaurs in 1964.

The art on the right side is something I did yesterday with my art rage painting program.
Today the best thing was the sun was shining. That in its self was bliss. We have a heat wave of 12 degrees for the high.
Or temps have been on low digits to -7 degrees. With lots of snow. Hubby finally got the truck to start again. He brought the battery in and charged it.

Melinda and I have been having fun learning from each other on my new healing art site at ning. There are 4 members now. And we are thinking about doing a deck of me group. When you get prompts each week and collage a playing card to represent it. She put up some wonderful examples of what she did on her page there.
If you get time stop in an take a look.

I also found this video. It made me laugh and it reminded me of how me and hubby handled our disagreements during our life time together. We were never ones for fighting.

Glance from Andy Holtin on Vimeo.

I received the books I ordered too. So I am ready to learn more.
My inner critic needs to be fed. And I need to learn more on controlling it.
It is such bliss to know you can stop worry and control how you deal with every thing. I have not written any more on my online book below. I think I will only write and post it once a week. It is such freedom to let the past trauma out and know that you care for me so. Your comments are very heart felt and healing.
I thank you all so much.
So I wish you all a beautiful day.
Have a wonderful day and remember to laugh and play.Photobucket

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Chapter 2 The new House

If you have not read my story from the start, you may want to look at these links first
Freedom This is the introduction to my online book
Chapter 1 The book of my life
I posted this photo before in feb 09. In that post I declared my freedom of my Mom.

I left off with us in West Virginia. I do not Have a time line for this chapter So I may go back and forth. I would call this portion of my life the poor version of leave it to beaver. Because like the beav I had a few adventures and did some silly things.
Or neighbor Mrs Polman was always sitting on her side porch. And I would go to visit. We would sit and talk. She was a quilter and showed me her work, She talked about her family. Her son who is older than my parents lived with her. He has a scout to drive and in his basement garage was a 50's model corvette. It was all white and he had a hardtop hanging from the ceiling, So if he wanted he had a top to put on it. I never seen him drive it. But did see it in the yard getting washed. His name was Harold. He had some cinder blocks sitting to the left of his garage door. I remember many times. I picked one up or rolled it to the property line between his house and ours. I was wore out and could not get it any further. So before I could go back out. He had put it back in its place. I don;t know why , but I tried over and over, till one day I went to get the block and it was tied up to a tree. So I lost interest. His mom though I seem to have adopted her as a grandma.

Then across the road next to her was Mr Olsen. No I was not Dennis the menace to him. He was like my adopted Grandpa. He lived in a 2 story Victorian home .This house was amazing. It had a wrap around porch and detached 2 car garage. He showed me an electric generator. And told me it would power his whole house if the electric went out. The top floor of his home contained a massive train set up. He was a Lionel collector. I never touched them but I watched him run the trains.
I can remember 1 day my dad came home with a carp. My mom did not want a fish in her house. I saw it was still alive so I ran water in the bath tub. But the fish was on its side gulping. So I took it and ran to Mr. Olsen. I knew he would know what to do. He ran water in his sink and said go home now. I will do my best to save it. So I went. The next day I went back. He said I am so sorry. I tried really hard. But it did not make it. So I was sad but. At least he tried. As an adult my dad said. He talked to Mr. Olsen and gave him the other fish he had. So Mr. Olsen ate my fish. LOL

The neighbors on the other side of our home did not come out much. But one day I talked to the lady who lived there. She was an artist and an art collector. She brought me in and showed me beautiful paintings. So I learned to love art from her being kind to me 1 day . That is all the time I spent with her.

These 3 people added quality to my life. I learned from each of them.

Most of my time was spent playing with a few kids on the side street. I remember my mom did not care how long I was out side then. Her and my little brother were always in the house. It was like out of site out of mind. I do not have much memory of my brother at all. I know we shared the same room. I had a cot and he had a fold down couch till I was age 16. Then we got twin beds . The photo above is the house I lived in. There was 1 bedroom and we had it. My parents room was dinning room that was open to the living room. there was a kitchen and the bath tub had claw feet. We only had 1 closet. it was in the bathroom. I can remember this house was very cold. I slept with all the coats in the house on top of me. The furnace in the basement was an oil burner. I remember a big gas truck would stop buy and fill our tank up. Like you would put gas in a car. The furnace though was amazing. it took up most of the basement. It was a big round chamber with octopus like round tubes coming out of it. I would go down stairs and look through a window on it and see the flame burn.But with it being gravity fed. It did not heat the house well.

I remember the landlord put a washer in the basement that was coin operated. My mom had to hang the cloths up to dry. But this guy would come and empty the money out of it. I remember watching him. And he would talk to me. He was a nice person too. I think I would spend time with any one who would talk to me back then. I do not remember playing with many toys or games or coloring. I did get a doll that walked for Christmas one year. But my room was spotless. When I was a teen I could make a little clutter on my half of the dresser. But other than that. I spent my childhood talking or listening. I watched leave it to beaver bewitched. And the other shows. I could listen to Gomer Pile all day. He was so nice. As far as food went . My mom was not a cook. We had beans , potatoes and cornbread allot. Then when they invented hamburgers and French fries. I was in heaven. I lived on them and cheese sandwiches. She did make fried Spam. But to this day It is " P"S" hot dogs she is famous for. My uncle at the service station said she made the best. I asked my mom how she made them. She said you put them in a pot with water and boil them. I was like a OK.. lol
I did not know what many foods were till I moved out. Every one calls me a picky butt. As I do not eat any condiments, I order only cheese, lettuce and tomato on my burger. It has to be plain. But I found a world of new foods on my own. I love shrimp and fish. bison, elk . Many things my mom would not let in her house.

We only had 1 car and my dad used it to go to work in. My mom brother and I walked every where. At one time I would walk in front or behind them. And pretend I did not know them some times. I can remember one day an older couple stopped us and gave me a porcilen tea set. It was a kids size and I still have most of it today.
I treasured things like this. My dad would give us a stuffed rabbit and candy for easter.

And I remember embroidering his name on his work shirt. I don't know how I knew to do this. Because I had never done it before. So I have always had the ability to figure things out. Or learn from watching. Mrs Polman could have rubbed off one me. But I have never made a quilt. I love them but never tried. I have crochet one for my 5th grade teacher. She bought the yarn. When I gave it to her she gave me $20.00 for it. I thought that was allot of money.

I can remember my mom telling us about her past and how when we grow up she was going to leave my dad. She had allot of complaints about him. And all I did was listen. I assume I believed her, and did not like him. It may have been all her saying. It is your brothers dad not your. She would buy toy and things for my brother and tell me that is why he gets them. I remember saving all the money I could get including my lunch money to by a purple banana seat bike some time in the 70's.
Where they bought my brother a 10 speed when he was big enough. I was not jealous. I just had to accept her facts. That is probably why I do not know what jealousy feels like. So That is a good thing.

Like Mark said . I have a feeling that you learned many lessons through all of this.
He is right. I wanted cool cloths . But now I am happy if I have some to fit me.
And I dress for me. I do not care what others think of me. It is there loss.
As in, If I have to look a certain way to be around them.
But I in no way try to hurt any one on propose. .
It also made me not selfish. And gave me a desire to help others.

I will close for now stay tuned for chapter 3
Next chapter is the teen year.
Have a wonderful day and remember to laugh and play.Photobucket

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Chapter 1 The book of my life

This is a family history photo. It contains My Mom's parents. some siblings There home and cars. Her moms parents. And her moms grandparents.And 2 small photos are there home.Her dads grandparent are the ones in the circle photo. I do not have a photo of his parents.
Who would have ever thought this little girl holding on to the post. Would one day give birth to me. Her Mom is rocking away in her chair enjoying the day. There homestead is located on the top of Williams mountain, in West Virginia. The title to the place said He paid $100.00 and 2 oxen to Mr. Williams for the land be built his home on. They lived the tough but simple life of farming and her dad was a coal miner. They had an orchard with apples and peaches.During the depression they had a store at the road side of the property. My Aunt told me one day the law came a calling and asked my Uncle Charlie. Wheres your paw. He was a kid and knew know better. So he took them off into the woods. Next thing ya know. Gun shots were flying. My grandpa hid out for days. Then he snuck back to the house for food and needed medical attention . He was shot in the knee. But little did he know some one was camped out near the house. And he spent some time in jail for Moon shining.
She said uncle Charlie got a licking.

In June of 1960 this little girl names "P" gave birth to me. Her father died soon after my birth. She was 20 years old. And did not know what to do with me. So my grandma raised me. While she still lived in the same house.She had a job at a restaurant cooking hot dogs for a little while. In July of 1964. Her friend from down the road asked her if she would like to go out on a date with one of her little brothers. She said he loved her from afar and wanted to marry her. So she agreed. They went out and the next day they were married at his house.

That night we were packed and on the road to St. Louis Mo.
The car contained my parents and new grandparents and there youngest daughter.
Who was maybe 9 years old.
All I can remember of this was. It was night time, and my new dads mom lost her lit cigarette in the car. So we stopped to find it. My new Aunt Lois. turned around from the front seat . She said you better quit bitting your nails, or they will be like mine.
So I know I have been biting my nails since at least age 4.
In the year 2000 my step dad told me..when he married my mom.He said to her, that "I was coming with them to St. Louis.. As it was not right to leave me behind.

So he is the reason I have the life I have now.

My grandmother loved me. I am told uncle Charlie hid me and they had to get the law to get me back. He was my moms brother and loved me too.
So I was taken from a very diffrent, but loving family.

The first few years were ruff on me.
We all lived in the top of a 2 family flat in St. Louis City. My dad later told me he watched as they connected the center of the St. Louis arch together, from the front yard, where we were living..
I had no Ideal the arch is newer than me.
I remember our first night there . I fell though the middle of 2 twin beds pushed together. it was dark. And my new dad saved me.
Some time in the next year we moved to the house in the photo below. It had 1 bedroom a kitchen and the front porch was the living room.
I had a cot to sleep in.
I had to go to kindergarten 2 times because my mom did not take me to school enough the first year.
The first summer we lived at this house, I went swimming in a cow trawl type of round pool. With the 2 kids below, they lived next door. When I went home wet, boy did I get beat, My mom hit me till I got sick and even harder for making a mess.. I never again did any thing wrong. EVER again!

When I was 6, I was left at a neighbors home. I looked out of her window and saw all of our things being removed from the house . I had no clue what was happing.
So I started crying. Next thing I know I am at the apartment of Aunt Nore in St. Louis city. This is the first place we stayed. When we moved to Missouri.
When I got there I remembered . She is the one who lived at the top of allot of steps. I had a few traumatic memory's already from this place. Her son Greggy bit me. And I remember walking down her hall and seeing the bath room door open. My youngest Aunt who was a 9 years old, at the time was in the tub with all the other kids. They were like "jump in". I I screamed "NO WAY ! " Theres a turd in the watter." I ran down the hall saying. Greggie pooped in the water. Yuck! So with having these memories fresh in my mind. I was not happy. She put me in a big room with a big bed. There was a wall that was open like a hall behind it.It reminded me of a secret passage way. I was really scared. And thinking why did they give me away?

I had no clue why my parents moved away with out me. Needless to say Aunt Patsy got me next. Then Aunt Dean. Her house was fun. And She explained I would see my parents again. So I stopped whining or what ever I was doing to have people get ride of me. Her daughter and I collected golf balls in the back yard. And I can remember her mom yelling at her for flushing them down the toilet.

It seemed like months went buy. And one day she took me to this house and left me with Aunt Judy. Boy she was mean. She locked us in the basement and I remember we had to pee in the sewer drain. Then finally, My parents were at that house. And turned out my mom had a baby. So this was my new brother. And the house was our new home.
But before you know it, My mom ,new brother and me were in West Virginia again.
I can remember the fireplace was open between the living room and bed room. You could see right through it. Grandma cooked on a coal stove. And they pulled a tub into the kitchen for me to take a bath. There was an out house behind the house and a well with a bucket to pull water up in. I can remember a water puddle in the drive going past my uncles home. It was made by a tire from a car. This puddle had frog eggs in it.
My aunt Macil told me I put the eggs in my pocket and my mom was going to whoop me. But she stopped it. because she let me do it. I can remember going to the laundromat with my Aunt.
There was a man with hair hanging off his belt.
She said he was an Indian and scalped people. So I believed her. As she too is a Cherokee Indian.
I can remember going for a walk in the coal mines with my uncle Charlie. We found a doll that was black from soot. It was missing some fingers and legs below the knees. I so wanted to keep it but my mom did not let me bring it back with us. I also remember Uncle Lonie and his wife Susie May came over and she gave me a locket. I was sitting on Uncle Lonies lap and my mom asked me to come here. She took me out side and told me to quit acting like a little whore. I was not to sit on any ones lap. I did not know what the word was at that time. But I do now. I have no ideal how long we were there.
2b continued in chapter 2

At age 5 we were living in the house above. Top right.
The 2 boys were the neighbors. bottom right.
The boy in bottom left is my brother at a latter date.
And the girl is me. Age 5. The doll is one the neighbor gave age 4.
Have a wonderful day and remember to laugh and play.Photobucket

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

What dream do you wish to explore?

I am starting to explore a dream of a new life.
One which includes more creativity.
I started a new Group at ning.
Called Healing Art.
With this site I hope to explore creating art with others.
I would like to invite you all to join.
In keeping with my year of bliss goal.
This I hope will allow me to share with others my journey in art.
I also Have started writing about my past life.
As I have released it all.
My story below is the first of many I will share.
Because I am now free of baggage.
So I believe I can now write about my old life like a book.
My wish is that I will help some one else overcome there past.
I will share all my past night mares of real life.
And how I have over come them.
I do not want sympathy or pity.
As I had plenty for my self . Till now.
I am free to be the real me.
The happy me.
And pass on my love to all who want it.

Please visit Jamie to see the wishes of others.

Have a wonderful day and remember to laugh and play.Photobucket


I am so so glad I chose to let go of the pain of the past. I can now share it with out reliving it. As in it is over. My inner critic really was a room mate. I now name him Room E. I call that voice him as like yin and yang you need both for balance. No I an not crazy to those who do not honor the beliefs of others. I consider my self a student of religion,. I accept an reject what I feel works for me. I do not criticize others. As they believe there way is the right way. I my self am not a follower. Thanks to my inner critic. I am an analyzer. And need proof. Yes I believe in God, a higher power. But like many I do not know there is a right or wrong way to live by his law. As like the native Americans I believe god is every where and in every thing.

As a child my mom was not one of religion. She said they just want your money.
Her inner critic ruled her life and gave her no life at all. She tried to control my life too. I rebelled most of my life to not be any thing like her. She would tell my brother and I storys of her past. As if we were her only friends. But as an adult trying to understand her was impossible. She always let me know my dad was not my dad. He was my brothers. His family was not my family they were my brothers. So I grew up alone with out a family.
That is why in 1999 I found my family. I did genealogy research. And traveled a bit to meet people. Including my real dad. Who only wanted me around then because he was getting a devoice. As soon as he found out he was dieing of Mesothelioma cancer.It was over.
This was caused my wearing gloves lines in asbestos. He worked for Ford motor co. And casted motors all his life.
His x-wife came back into his life And I was told to go away. Even though she was willing to accept me. He still knew she did not want me around. After his death and to this day she still wants to be apart of my life now. She expects me to understand she was jealous. I can not understand. because,I do not get jealous. So I can not comprehend her side of the story. All I can see is I am his kid no matter what age I am. I am not another woman, or my mom.

I found through her, that my mom and dad were never married. It is a lie my mom lives with. A secret she lets rule her life. As I have to keep it a secret from my step dad that I knew my real dad. Where in reality I want to tell him. That he is my dad and thank him for playing the part. As he treated me just like my brother. He has no ideal till now how my mom tortured me. He saw a taste in June of 2008. I asked him to help me. I wanted to bring my daughters and there present husband/boyfriend to meet them. And both of them have son's of there own to add to the family. He laughed and though to him self. Thats not a problem. He gave my mom the phone. She was like. "YOU ARE NOT BRINGING ALL THOSE PEOPLE TO MY HOUSE!" So I found it hard not to cry. I said let me talk to dad. I told him see. She wont let us come over. and let him go as my heart was broken. I received a call maybe 10 minutes later. She said you come with them Richard wants you all here. So we went, but I knew it was not going to be fun.
Here is some of the photos. My daughter took them, as I was feeling the tension build. And so did every one else. I am an empath and can feel extrema anger from my mom.
I only stayed 10-20 minutes and left with Tessa's family. Amys stayed. But my mom never left the stare well with the dog. You can see in the center photo how she looked having all the kids want to see her. As I left I extended my hand to my mom. And she pinched the skin on my hand. between my thumb and 1st finger and removed it " like shaking off the cooties". This was my first and last attempt at touching her. As she has never hugged me. That day was the last attempt of me trying to be a daughter. I released her in my mind. I will no longer try my best to do what she wants. I considered my self an orphan.

This was my way to freedom from her rules. A kid is to be seen and not heard. She was not happy with the freedom I gave my kids to love. I let my kids hug and play with my dad. And she was not happy. I saw all the love in him, through the joy he recieved from my kids. He was never home when I was a kid. He worked 2 jobs. And was an alcoholic. He no longer works or drinks. So he is now learning things the hard way. But he is a person of love. He is kindness, and all that is good in this world. I only wish he could receive it back from her.

She married him to get out of West Virginia. And away from her mom. She will not speak to any one in her family. All she has left is 1 sister. out of 9 kids.
So her inner critic has destroyed her life. and turned her into hate.

I have been back 1 time so they could see Jozlyn and call to talk to my dad.
She I talk to as his wife. This is my way of self salvation. Because I do want him in my life. And I forgive her for my own sake.

I will share more of my past as I have released all the pain. They are only story's now, of what made me who I am today. A free soul who is full of love.

Have a wonderful day and remember to laugh and play.Photobucket

Monday, January 4, 2010

New beginnings

New beginnings is the title I have given this painting.
It is all about beauty in the darkness.
Every day is a new beginning.
Every minute is a new adventure.
Life is full of waves, But they will go away if you chose to let them.

Sunday was the last day of having our oldest grandson stay with us.
He is such a joy to be around. School is scheduled to reopen today, but there is a bit of snow out there.
So there may be a snow day for him.
Friday he and hubby went out to pick up dinner.
He told me that my hubby did not have any more money to buy it.
I told him, yes he got paid today.
Jeremy said Papa don't work. how does he get paid.
I told him . He gets paid to watch TV.
Jeremy said "I WANT THAT JOB"!
Hubby said you have to work really hard all your life to get that job.
It is called retirement.

Have a wonderful day and remember to laugh and play.Photobucket
A man's well-being depends upon his degree of contentment. ”Sri Sathya Sai Baba

Sunday, January 3, 2010

The Medicine wheel

I finished this Medicine wheel collage yesterday.
the video links below explain some of the meanings and history.
This one is in 3 parts
This one is just 1 video.

In my version I have added things in my life that need to be healed. And words to inspire the meaning of each part of the wheel. This circle is meant to create balance and harmony. And add inspiration. And with it being digital art it is my addition to my calendar today. I updated it on my side bar.

Every day I am finding something new to add to my life. The past month I have been studying India, and people of interest from that country.
This is a link to my you tube channel
When I find a video like the ones above I add them to my favorites.
I have taken a virtual vacation to Thailand. And found I would love to spend time in both these country's.

Like this I feel like I have enhanced my life with out leaving my house. .
For 1 I do not have the funds or a person to travel with.
So this fulfills my desire to travel.
I also watch art videos to add to my lessons of education.
I am taking a course called
Collage for self discovery.
Where you are to look through magazines and cut out things that catch your interest and place them in your art journal. They can tell a story. or analyze your true self.
I normally do this with online magazines. but the other day I splurged and bought a womens world. And created this one. The image is pour quality, because of back flash, from a Kodak easy share camera. My Sony has auto focus problems. It will not take a photo now unless you put it on manual. And I can not self focus it and get quality like I had on auto. So I will have to save up to have it repaired.
It saddens me as I loved my camera.

But I can not hold on to the sadness, or allow it to control my life.
Because it is such freedom, to control what you let your mind do.
The book untethered souls is on order now. The preview gave me the freedom to control my inner critic. And this in its self is bliss.
Have a wonderful day and remember to laugh and play.Photobucket

“You have it in your power to make your days on Earth a path of flowers, instead of a path of thorns.”Sri Sathya Sai Baba

Saturday, January 2, 2010


Jill over at Third age Musings issued a calendar challenge
So I decided to try.
I have a graphic arts background. from taking offset lithography for 2 years.
But I now do most of my art work on the computer so I will now be considered a digital artist.
I am not by any means a Van Gogh.
But I think I am an artist in training.
As art is a life long adventure in learning.
I will be doing my calendar like this. every day I will paint or collage an image for this.
here is day 1 & 2

The calendar will be posted and update on my side bar.
My inspirational quotes for this month will come from.
Sri Sathya Sai Baba
He is a religious figure, and educator in India.
He brought clean water and medical help, education and many other things to people in need.
He is new to me. And I am just learning of his history. But he has helped so many in his country and has over 1,200 Sathya Sai Baba Centers in 114 countries worldwide.
according to wickpedia.

His words are from love an encouragement.
He also devoted his life to make others healthy and educated.
sample of his quotes
“You must enshrine in your hearts the spiritual urge towards light and love, Wisdom and Bliss!”
“Life is a challenge, meet it! Life is a dream, realize it! Life is a game, play it! Life is Love, enjoy it!”
“You have it in your power to make your days on Earth a path of flowers, instead of a path of thorns.”

Have a wonderful day and remember to laugh and play.Photobucket