Wednesday, October 1, 2008

WOW it's October

It is 3:30 am. And I am in the mood for a nice toasty fire.
So I found a virtual one so we can share it.

What is on my agenda for today? Maybe I can get hubby to go to the lake today and watch the water fall. I went to the Dentist with a friend yesterday, as we crossed a bridge I could see the sun glistening off the water like tiny sparks in a diamond. The lake here is wonderful. It is the biggest man made lake in Missouri.

I am trying to program my self to enjoy the fall weather. I am a spring person. I come alive with the thought of starting my spring garden. I knew every year when the yellow daffodil bloomed. It would soon be time for hubby to go back to work. He was an Asphalt foreman.

Winter time gives me the blues. So I will work really hard this year to not let them get to me. I want to make changes in my life to live every day with Joy. I also have to learn to get hubby to want to live life again. And finish our life together in a more positive way. I know it is hard for him. But Maybe I can spark a desire for him to want more than sitting on the couch and watching TV. I will find simple thing that don't require much energy. If I get him away from the TV. Maybe he will start talking. Some times I wish he had a friend. Some one who would get him out into the world. When the kids come down. He will not go along. He always says no. It was his foot last time. Now he has a cortisone shot. We will see what the next excuse will be. I know it is hard for him to do too much. But he needs to try.
My hubby has always been the most content person I have ever known. He wants for nothing. Other than simple needs like new shoes. He is content with staying home. He has no impulse wants. He express no desires. He is just content to be.

I understand his pain to a degree, I know what is like to not be able to do what I use to. I know what it is like to not be able to work any more. I do not know the great pain he went through with the bypass surgery. But I could see it in him. And I was helpless to do more than speak for him. But the hospital would not do much for the pain or lack of sleep.
I know it is hard for him to breath if he walks too much.And he feel like he has nothing to show for all his years of work. It took every thing we had to survive 2 years of no income.
And we had to sell every thing of value to qualify for Medicaid. I know it hurt him to see me in pain to. As I found out in Jan. I thought I had a heart attack and it was way easier for me to be the one in the hospital. Than it was for me to see him in one.

So today I will start this day a good one. We will go have breakfast and take a drive to the lake.
Thank you my friends for listening to my story today. I leave you with a picture from a email I received yesterday. Be blessed and Have a great day.


Gail said...

My husband had a stint. It was a very long time before he overcame his fear of doing things again.
Spring is also my favorite time but fall is second. Then I can plan and dream about the way things will look again in spring.
Thanks, Gail

Grammy said...

Hi Gail, He had a stent in 99 after a heart attack. It was way easer than a bypass. He said he felt like a semi truck was dropped on his chest. His cartilage never grew back completely. So the wires are what hold his ribs together.

Anonymous said...

I'm a spring person too, and the winter blues get me too. So this time of the year is always hard to adjust too. As for the heart problems, my dad has them too, and has had multiple surgeries in the past fourteen years. It is tough.

Wendy said...

Dear Grammy, thank you for sharing your feelings and thoughts. I can feel the love and devotion all through your post.
It is hard to watch our loved ones deteriorate or stop feeling joy in the world. If you can help him - so much the better, but if it doesn't work, then all you can do is just be - be there with him.

I also wish my hubby would have done more when he was first diagnosed. We could have travelled even with oxygen in those days, but he just curled up into a shell and that's where he is. I cannot change him. I have tried, believe me, but now I just have to accept him the way he is. Anyway - it's far too late for him to do much. He can hardly walk across the room - even with about 10 litres of oxygen blasting up his nose.

I also am a Spring person. Spring is a magical season that totally energizes me. In the fall I become melancholy. So I need to work on getting back my Joy too.
Thanks for visiting my blog and introducing me to Blooming Tuesday. It was fun.

white_lilly said...

I'm sorry to hear how you husband is coping with his life at the moment after having heart surgery. My husband contacted some how a virus that was related to arthritis and attacked his immune system about seven years ago and I thought he would never be able to live life the way he used to, but through many ups and downs, emotions, trials, struggles and heart wrenching moments he is much better. I think patience and time have helped him to where he is today. His hands show arthritis but he can make the most beautiful furniture and he is a more stronger person because of it.

I like the winter time because you can slow down and recover from the busyness of summer.It gives you a time to relax and enjoy the quieter things such as reading,knitting,crafts or just sitting near the fire.

Anonymous said...

Try getting hubby out to go fishing down at Kauffman ( could be spelled coffman) beach there off Y highway in Rocky Mount where I was telling you about-- they have places for him to sit in chairs and fish--does he enjoy reading -- that would be something else besides the TV ... Wishing I had other offers to suggest... Patty