It is 3:30 am. And I am in the mood for a nice toasty fire.
So I found a virtual one so we can share it.
What is on my agenda for today? Maybe I can get hubby to go to the lake today and watch the water fall. I went to the Dentist with a friend yesterday, as we crossed a bridge I could see the sun glistening off the water like tiny sparks in a diamond. The lake here is wonderful. It is the biggest man made lake in Missouri.
I am trying to program my self to enjoy the fall weather. I am a spring person. I come alive with the thought of starting my spring garden. I knew every year when the yellow daffodil bloomed. It would soon be time for hubby to go back to work. He was an Asphalt foreman.
Winter time gives me the blues. So I will work really hard this year to not let them get to me. I want to make changes in my life to live every day with Joy. I also have to learn to get hubby to want to live life again. And finish our life together in a more positive way. I know it is hard for him. But Maybe I can spark a desire for him to want more than sitting on the couch and watching TV. I will find simple thing that don't require much energy. If I get him away from the TV. Maybe he will start talking. Some times I wish he had a friend. Some one who would get him out into the world. When the kids come down. He will not go along. He always says no. It was his foot last time. Now he has a cortisone shot. We will see what the next excuse will be. I know it is hard for him to do too much. But he needs to try.
My hubby has always been the most content person I have ever known. He wants for nothing. Other than simple needs like new shoes. He is content with staying home. He has no impulse wants. He express no desires. He is just content to be.
I understand his pain to a degree, I know what is like to not be able to do what I use to. I know what it is like to not be able to work any more. I do not know the great pain he went through with the bypass surgery. But I could see it in him. And I was helpless to do more than speak for him. But the hospital would not do much for the pain or lack of sleep.
I know it is hard for him to breath if he walks too much.And he feel like he has nothing to show for all his years of work. It took every thing we had to survive 2 years of no income.
And we had to sell every thing of value to qualify for Medicaid. I know it hurt him to see me in pain to. As I found out in Jan. I thought I had a heart attack and it was way easier for me to be the one in the hospital. Than it was for me to see him in one.
So today I will start this day a good one. We will go have breakfast and take a drive to the lake.
Thank you my friends for listening to my story today. I leave you with a picture from a email I received yesterday. Be blessed and Have a great day.