The last 3-4 months I have allowed myself to fall back into a depressed state. There was no real Reason other than I lost control of my ability to just get through the day OK. Depression is caused by my mind "ego" over thinking. All you do is over think. Your ego runs rampant. You tell your self over and over. Life sucks. You make things worse than they really are.
I stopped smoking on the 28th of March. And I found it hard to do things like talk on the phone with out a cigaret. I know this sounds crazy but maybe I am. If you remember I quit taking the antidepressants back in September of 2011. So my only device to calm by stress was cigarets.
It could be worse I could have been an addict or alcoholic. So I pat my self on the back. I am strong enough to resist falling into the world of extreme additions.
What I am learning now, is my lack of gratitude for what I have lets my mind, Morn the loss of what I had. It allows me to judged and condemn my life. And the last 3-4 months. Every day I had the thought or wish, That I was no longer in this life. I would wake up disappointed, that I was still here. Yet I do not wish to take my own life. I would just wish my time was over. No one knows what this is like till it happens to them. This thinking is hard to control. And there is no just reason for it.The antidepressants allowed you to just exist. Some would be what you could call don't give a crap pills. They let you say who cares. You could just sit in a chair and let the world go on. But you did not partake in life.
I have traveled a long road of self healing.This is my first post of telling my story of the last 3 months. And it may include my past life in general.
Lao Tzu quote "He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still.".