Self

 This creation represents transformation.
Like a cocoon, I with drew from life 2 different times. 
Each time I came back with new and improved wings.
 
This time I hope will just continue to evolve into the real me. The one I was born to be. I feel so charged with the ability to learn and let go of old ways. And replace the way I use to judge things, with just simple acceptance.
Because a thought is just a thought till you decide to grab onto it and make it part of you.
I think the best lesson I have learned yet is. 
The way we think.
Example
Above the image is just an image.
But when we decide to look deeper. We then allow our mind to make judgment. Like this looks like a 3 girls with wings. There is allot of purple. To me it represents past, present and future.
Then you decide to read the words. You then decide, You like or do not like the words. You either forget them or write them down. Or just right click and save the complete image.

If you do the last one, then you allow this to change your thinking. And then it plants a seed in you to change your way of thinking.
Or you simply say this is nice, or I don't like this, and move on.

This is also how we become our problems. Rather that see them as just a thought or situation. We decide to let them take over our life. And become our life.Rather than see it is just something that has happened. And do something about or or let it go.

This has put me on the path to living by spirit rather than ego mind.
I now see I have depression,  I am not depression.
I am not simply, just a wife, mom and Gmom. I am called this because this is what I did in life. I chose to marry and have kids.
All we truly are is a soul/spirit here on earth, who is experiencing life. Through the choices we make.


Have a wonderful day and remember to laugh and play.

Who am I ?

This I feel is my best words yet.

Have a wonderful day and remember to laugh and play.

Freedom

I am so so glad I chose to let go of the pain of the past. I can now share it with out reliving it. As in it is over. My inner critic really was a room mate. I now name him Room E. I call that voice him as like yin and yang you need both for balance. No I an not crazy to those who do not honor the beliefs of others. I consider my self a student of religion,. I accept an reject what I feel works for me. I do not criticize others. As they believe there way is the right way. I my self am not a follower. Thanks to my inner critic. I am an analyzer. And need proof. Yes I believe in God, a higher power. But like many I do not know there is a right or wrong way to live by his law. As like the native Americans I believe god is every where and in every thing.

As a child my mom was not one of religion. She said they just want your money.
Her inner critic ruled her life and gave her no life at all. She tried to control my life too. I rebelled most of my life to not be any thing like her. She would tell my brother and I storys of her past. As if we were her only friends. But as an adult trying to understand her was impossible. She always let me know my dad was not my dad. He was my brothers. His family was not my family they were my brothers. So I grew up alone with out a family.
That is why in 1999 I found my family. I did genealogy research. And traveled a bit to meet people. Including my real dad. Who only wanted me around then because he was getting a devoice. As soon as he found out he was dieing of Mesothelioma cancer.It was over.
This was caused my wearing gloves lines in asbestos. He worked for Ford motor co. And casted motors all his life.
His x-wife came back into his life And I was told to go away. Even though she was willing to accept me. He still knew she did not want me around. After his death and to this day she still wants to be apart of my life now. She expects me to understand she was jealous. I can not understand. because,I do not get jealous. So I can not comprehend her side of the story. All I can see is I am his kid no matter what age I am. I am not another woman, or my mom.

I found through her, that my mom and dad were never married. It is a lie my mom lives with. A secret she lets rule her life. As I have to keep it a secret from my step dad that I knew my real dad. Where in reality I want to tell him. That he is my dad and thank him for playing the part. As he treated me just like my brother. He has no ideal till now how my mom tortured me. He saw a taste in June of 2008. I asked him to help me. I wanted to bring my daughters and there present husband/boyfriend to meet them. And both of them have son's of there own to add to the family. He laughed and though to him self. Thats not a problem. He gave my mom the phone. She was like. "YOU ARE NOT BRINGING ALL THOSE PEOPLE TO MY HOUSE!" So I found it hard not to cry. I said let me talk to dad. I told him see. She wont let us come over. and let him go as my heart was broken. I received a call maybe 10 minutes later. She said you come with them Richard wants you all here. So we went, but I knew it was not going to be fun.
Here is some of the photos. My daughter took them, as I was feeling the tension build. And so did every one else. I am an empath and can feel extrema anger from my mom. I only stayed 10-20 minutes and left with Tessa's family. Amys stayed. But my mom never left the stare well with the dog. You can see in the center photo how she looked having all the kids want to see her. As I left I extended my hand to my mom. And she pinched the skin on my hand. between my thumb and 1st finger and removed it " like shaking off the cooties". This was my first and last attempt at touching her. As she has never hugged me. That day was the last attempt of me trying to be a daughter. I released her in my mind. I will no longer try my best to do what she wants. I considered my self an orphan.

This was my way to freedom from her rules. A kid is to be seen and not heard. She was not happy with the freedom I gave my kids to love. I let my kids hug and play with my dad. And she was not happy. I saw all the love in him, through the joy he recieved from my kids. He was never home when I was a kid. He worked 2 jobs. And was an alcoholic. He no longer works or drinks. So he is now learning things the hard way. But he is a person of love. He is kindness, and all that is good in this world. I only wish he could receive it back from her.

She married him to get out of West Virginia. And away from her mom. She will not speak to any one in her family. All she has left is 1 sister. out of 9 kids.
So her inner critic has destroyed her life. and turned her into hate.

I have been back 1 time so they could see Jozlyn and call to talk to my dad.
She I talk to as his wife. This is my way of self salvation. Because I do want him in my life. And I forgive her for my own sake.

I will share more of my past as I have released all the pain. They are only story's now, of what made me who I am today. A free soul who is full of love.

Have a wonderful day and remember to laugh and play.

The Medicine wheel

I finished this Medicine wheel collage yesterday.
the video links below explain some of the meanings and history.
This one is in 3 parts http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIGrFHy463g
This one is just 1 video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vXkdmbRwtBo

In my version I have added things in my life that need to be healed. And words to inspire the meaning of each part of the wheel. This circle is meant to create balance and harmony. And add inspiration. And with it being digital art it is my addition to my calendar today. I updated it on my side bar.

Every day I am finding something new to add to my life. The past month I have been studying India, and people of interest from that country.
This is a link to my you tube channel
http://www.youtube.com/user/TheEmptynester
When I find a video like the ones above I add them to my favorites.

I have taken a virtual vacation to Thailand. And found I would love to spend time in both these country's.

Like this I feel like I have enhanced my life with out leaving my house. .
For 1 I do not have the funds or a person to travel with.
So this fulfills my desire to travel.
I also watch art videos to add to my lessons of education.
I am taking a course called
Collage for self discovery.
Where you are to look through magazines and cut out things that catch your interest and place them in your art journal. They can tell a story. or analyze your true self.
I normally do this with online magazines. but the other day I splurged and bought a womens world. And created this one. The image is pour quality, because of back flash, from a Kodak easy share camera. My Sony has auto focus problems. It will not take a photo now unless you put it on manual. And I can not self focus it and get quality like I had on auto. So I will have to save up to have it repaired.
It saddens me as I loved my camera.

But I can not hold on to the sadness, or allow it to control my life.
Because it is such freedom, to control what you let your mind do.
The book untethered souls is on order now. The preview gave me the freedom to control my inner critic. And this in its self is bliss.

Have a wonderful day and remember to laugh and play.

“You have it in your power to make your days on Earth a path of flowers, instead of a path of thorns.”Sri Sathya Sai Baba

Freedom

Todays wisdom card is freedom
Click on the photo to enlarge.
What dose this card say to you?
For me it is freedom of depression.
The art work on the left is how problems can be perceived.
In the past I felt like I ran around with a cloud over my head and lighting bolts striking me in the butt.
Then the storms of life became tornado's surrounding me.
I seem to have chosen to let the web of hopelessness grab on to me.
My hands were removed or bound by extreme situations.
All I could do is to go into the never ending pit of depression.
But I found I had wings on my back. And flew out of the pit .
You may ask how. A simple choice was all that was needed.
A choice to look at life differently.
Like in the bottom row of the card. There are still storms over head.
But there is beauty below. It is a balance of perception.
I place them in cells and choose not to let any of them take over my life any more.
I chose to come out of my inner self of doom and gloom and live a happy life.
To find fun in simple things.
To look at each situation as a moment in time.
And refuse to let any thing grab hold on me again.
If it dose it is only temporary. I feel it and work hard to but it away.
I chose to be strong and do not take on any problem as never ending.
All problems are temporary and will go away.
Worry will not solve any problem. It will only make you sick.
You have to remain strong, and positive to get through any thing.

Have a wonderful day and remember to laugh and play.

What do you wish to say yes to?

THIS IS THE QUESTION FOR THIS WEEK AT JAMIES FOR WISH CASTING WEDNESDAY.

RIGHT NOW I HAVE TO SAY YES TO CREATIVITY.
It is pouring out of me at this time.
Anger has turned into wisdom. And I am now Happy again.
I say yes to happy.
So far I have created 2 wisdom cards. And have plenty of others in the works.
It seems to have started with anger and I painted the Wolf warrior
And all the answers I needed came to me.

I no longer am angry. And I see it now as a lesson learned.

This is my 3rd card I will share with you.
It is self control
And yes, I say yes give me self control.
I was angry because I lost my self control.

I painted on this photo of me , to be a fool.
I am standing at the edge of a cliff in Fort Pain Alabama.
This card is for anxiety, stress, panic, and anger.

When ever you are under stress. remember me dressed like a fool and laugh.
Remember this situation is temporary it will go away.
Smile ,make your self laugh. breath deeply, Calm down. And think happy thoughts.
Or grab a candy bar.


Have a wonderful day and remember to laugh and play.

The wise warrior

Click on the photo and take a good look at her.
What message dose she share with you?

This is my wisdom card for today
The lesson for this card is inner peace.
She is insecurity.
We some times hurt her with words like. I am fat, ugly,stupid, etc.
We let mean people hurt her, buy believing they are right.
When really they do not mean what they say.
They just want to inflict pain on others.
Because they are insecure with there self.
When in reality she is your true self. One of a kind.
She has inner beauty and wisdom to get you through any thing.
She is forgiving if only you accept her the way she is.
She is loving, kind and intelligent.
She loves you to feed her with knowledge.
In return she has all the answers you need to live a great life.
So make peace with her.be kind to her, release her from her chain.
And live a wonderful life.
Have a wonderful day and remember to laugh and play.

Working it out

Wolf warrior

I just painted this with the Art rage computer program. I use both the oil paint which is in the free version and the spray brush with is in the paid version.
I assume the This is a wolf like cartoon. I am calling it my inner wolf.
I started painting this with no clue what I was painting and it turned out to be a story I would like to share. This was me a few years ago. I was in rage and still growl on occasion. But I was in full blown menopause. I have never felt such anger or rage in my life. I would bite at the drop of a hat. And this is not me. I am a peaceful person. Who wishes to do no harm.
But I am feeling a bit of anger now that I am going to work out. By sharing my story online I may help some one else. And I will release my pain with this writing.
I will let it blow away with the wind.

First off I need to find my happy place in my mind. What make me happy. Thoughts of travel. Thoughts of fun with my family. I need to plan an adventure. But I do not have a traveling partner. So What can I do to try to get hubby involved? Hum?
Maybe a trip to my daughters in her new home. I will try to include a visit to my foster grand son. This is a desire. To see him again. It has been 6 years.

I am going to create wisdom cards
So this is my first one.

Wolf warrior
She is a survivor. who has great vigor, courage, or aggressiveness.
She is self defense.
Has wisdom to protect.
Needs knowledge to know when to back off.
Knows when she is needed.
So she is great when you are ready for her.
Learn to use her with love and great care.
And learn to control her.
As wisdom is needed to be safe.
Do not let her anger rule.
Take deep breaths and eat chocolate to tame her.
Laughter will help too.

a wonderful day and remember to laugh and play.