Checking in

Just wanted to wish ever one a 

Merry Christmas

This year my oldest daughter, was Santa at her work place. So I had to go sit in her lap. Not once but 2 times. She pinched me for being naughty. She knew I put up the rabbit ears behind her head. HEHEHE Was I naughty.

Have a wonderful day and remember to laugh and play.

Decisions Decisions !

I have been watching videos and searching the web on diabetic info.
It seems to swing from high protein heart attack meals. to veggie juicing , vegan way of life. I have learned you can reverse with diet and exercise.

So I made hubby watch 2 videos. This utube one has all except the end of the 2nd on in 1 video. This was enough good info to explain how diabetics works in your body, and an example of what could be in the future if you do not take care of your self.

 I laid it all out to hubby. :"I can not be the food police!" He has to learn to make good choices. It is his life. All I can do is tell him what I learned. And he has to decide if he is going to exercise more. And stay away from all packaged and prepared food and drink.   Eat only fresh or frozen veggies and meat. My self I am already programed to small amounts of meat. Where he eats bigger amounts.

I saw a video on a 24-36 hour fast. drinking water only. It made sense. It was said you get the biggest benefit in the first 24-36 hours. The more I thought about it. I thought it would be like a reboot. Shock our system into working right again. That is the same ideal of the guy from Aussie who did the movie on juicing. But his was a 11-30 day juice fast. followed by a vegan diet.

So what to do?
Have a wonderful day and remember to laugh and play.

Buying new things

It feels like forever since I have been able to buy any new things.  Last night we went looking around to find something to hold the dvd player and other things. We found this for just $69.00 + tax.

A couple of weeks ago I ordered this 47 inch Visio with a wall mount. In the stores the mount costs over 100$ , It is a shock. But this the combo It was $24 I paid extra. The TV is amazing. I can read the program guide with ease. And all I need is a cord to hook my computer to it and I can use it as a monster monitor. HeHEHE. Hubby will not be happy with that. But then We can watch streaming movies. I did all the wall mount installation my self. So happy I could do it. But to install the screws I used a wrench on the hex head, rather than looking for the electric drill. Even with drilling pilot holes, my 19 volt cordless was not up for the job. Hubby helped me to lift it. It was not as heavy as it looked. But You need 2 people so not to drop.

Please over look the door. It is one I bought used in St. Louis. Only $40 for a oak and lead glass door. We have to enlarge the opening we have already. Hubby and I disagree on what to do. So This is not getting installed till I get help from some one else. The door is so heavy it takes 2 people to move it. But I am happy most of the drywall is now up in the living room. After the door is installed. The rest can be hung. Then mud and paint then floor cover. I will not know how to act with a real room. It has been so long getting to this point. But there is now a light at the end of the room. :)

Have a wonderful day and remember to laugh and play.

Day 2 Green tea fat burner & whats new for dinner.

 Please note. This is not a paid add. I purchased this on my own.

I am on day 2 of trying new things to add to our diet. And taking a diet  supplement, I bought from W..mart.. I purchased both the mega for $4.48 (30 pills) and the regular  "green tea fat burner"  For $9.98 (90ct)
 Fast-relief liquid soft gels Contains green tea extract, ECGC, caffeine, chromium picolate and Advantra Z.

 We are trying the regular one first.

 I found some good info at Supplement-Geek.com 

When I read about
Chromium may help blood sugar levels in those with diabetes,
I though I would try it on my husband. So far so good
 I am happy so far with improvements in my husband. He has lost 6 pounds so far. And tonight his glucose level was 110, Yea! 2 good days in a row
____________________________________________________.

 Tonight I made lentils, spaghetti squash and spinach . I used my home made pasta sauce and 1 meat ball for hubby.

 I found this tasted the best mixed altogether. I am not a big fan of veggies. My husband is now diabetic so we have to change our diet from Heart healthy to less fast carbohydrates. I am making a diary of sorts here,. To record what worked for weight loss and controlling hubbys glucose levels. So he will not start taking meds. I am not an expert. So please seek medical advice before trying diet pills.

So I am going to try to loose some weight too. Wish me luck. :)

 Good links where I found enough reason to buy this product.

Green Tea frenzy
Web MD


This is a list of
12 Power foods to Beat Diabetes


Have a wonderful day and remember to laugh and play.

The diet is on

Today is day one of video blogging. I am going to start taking  green tea fat burner. And change up my diet. Hubby has already lost 6 pounds from the food I have been giving him to eat. With him being diabetic now. No more sugar filled  drinks. I have been learning about slow carbohydrates.

Tonight's blood sugar level for hubby is almost that of a normal person (102) Yea!!!!
 
Tracking and analyzing meals for free at Livingwell.com I am shocked some times at the amount of sodium/salt levels come up on the tracker each day. 3352 mg just today. I did not even ad salt to his food. I read age 52 and over should be 1500mg, So this is 2x the amount. For now I am not going to worry about the salt. He takes blood pleasure meds with his heart medicine, His bp was good at the last Dr. visit.

I have decided to start using green tea fat burner, and eating better my self. The scale today was 181.2 lb for me. So We will see. I read where the green tea will also help with hubby's sugar level. So we are going to try it on him at 1/2 dose. We both drank a blended veggie mix this morning. It was yuck in taste. But I am not a raw veggie person.

Here is my first video.

   
 Prep Time: 10 min     Serves: 2    Cooking Time: 35 min    
   4 oz Beef Round Steak
    1/2 cup Cauliflower,raw
    1 cup Broccoli Florets
    1/2 cup Small Carrots
    1 Celery Medium Stalk (7.5 - 8")
    1 tbsp Onions, Dehydrated Flakes
    1/4 tsp Italian Seasoning
    1 tsp Minced Garlic
Have a wonderful day and remember to laugh and play.

Ernies cabbage stew

This brought Jerry's sugar level down to 108 from 160 early this morning. :)

Prep Time: 10 min     Serves: 4
Cooking Time: 45 min     Yield: 4 servings

Ingredients

    4 cups Cabbage, Green (1.small head)
    3 Whole Carrots
    1 Leek
    2 medium stalk celery, raw
    2 average (potato for me I am not diabetic)
  (use 1/2 cup cauliflower for hubby so not to affect  his sugar level)
    1/4 lb Sliced Bacon  note: This adds (Sodium/salt 280mg)
    1 tsp Original Blend Mrs Dash seasoning 
    64 oz Drinking Water

Directions
Cut up veggies, put the ingredients in 5 qt pan, slice 1/4 package of bacon in 1 inch strips. or leave whole. add water to cover plus and inch above. cook on high or med high if it boils over. cook 45 min or till cabbage is tender.

Note: you can add tomatoes or tomato juice to this to change it up a bit. And remove the bacon, if you like just veggie,
This  meal has 789.6 sodium level total. Yet to me I add salt to my plate.  But not to hubby's, as he is prone to high blood pressure.

I have been using livingstrong.com to analyze what I am cooking. So I can adjust it to more a diabetic diet. It lets me track meals and I really like it.

I was doing good cooking a heart healthy diet for hubby. But we have to lower the amount of sugar. Like 1/2 of a boiled or  baked potato, rather than a whole one. No mashed potatoes at all. The more a food is processed, the more sugar for some reason.  Hubby has now lost 6 pounds. Soda is off limits now, other than on Friday, We go out to eat, Walleye fish. but the soda/Pepsi is 28 grams sugar 8 fl oz  69g for 20 fl oz? I think that is the measurement. Any way it is bad. 

But I read you can eat almost any thing in small proportions. It is a matter of experimenting. I learned No sweet potatoes at all, for him.. With only 2 table spoons full his sugar level went  up "+ 260 ".

I also put the recipe in another site it had even more info click here Recipe
That site is not as user friendly for me. But great info.
Have a wonderful day and remember to laugh and play.

Update

We finally got some much needed rain. So some of the grass is turning green again. Yea!

Hubby had a doctor appointment, to get his meds renewed. His blood work came back as Diabetic. The doctor said now he is at 2x the risk level of another heart attack. So now he has to test 2 times a day to see, if he can control his sugar level on food rather than meds. I put up a post on face book and found at least 4 of his 15 siblings are diabetic. And seems glaucoma runs in his family too. So I have been doing allot of research. I found a web site that you can enter your meals and it tracks and analogizes carbs verses  sugar. And breaks down the info into many other things.

It seem the more things wrong with him the worse I feel. I find it  getting harder and harder to walk around the block for exercise. And my vision is getting worse. But I am maintaining my mind. No depression so far. In 2 months it will be a year with out meds. Yea! I still have some side affect like the feeling of head  zaps. It causes dizziness. But I have decided no more antidepressants. Once you get dependent on them. Making your own serotonin is a hard thing to do. Or your brain just don't want the real thing any more.

Hope you all are doing well. 
Have a wonderful day and remember to laugh and play.

Chit chat

 The weather has cooled off a bit here in Missouri. But I do not know if there is any hope for the grass to start growing again. It is all brown. We saw cattle eating the leaves off a tree the other day.  So I do not know if there is a hay shortage. The 3 horses around the corner worry me. I see them nibble on what little dead grass they can find. I can see a jump in prices for food. But hope the animals are not suffering.

Yesterday hubby had a doctor appointment. His blood pressure was good. Temperature was 93 ? that was strange! But they did not say any thing about it. This doctor is like allot of others. He mostly is a get your prescription refilled person. And refers you to others if there is an issue.

For me I have been experiencing extreme fatigue.  And think my blood pressure is getting high. But I will be OK. Today is the first day of school for our area. And I miss Jeremy. His mom took him back a few weeks ago. So we may start getting him again on the week ends. This is his first year of Jr High. And he will be 13 in October. Wow, time fly's. This school is a few miles away. So he will not be able to walk to our house on Fridays.
 

Have a wonderful day and remember to laugh and play.

Recliner update

The Dawn dish washing liquid and baking soda works.
I just have to use it a little more here and there. But it was much less work this way.
Have a wonderful day and remember to laugh and play.

Trash to treasure

I bought a used couch and recliner for only $100.00 total.

They are both in good condition.But the couch is so much cleaner looking.

The recliner needs to be cleaned. This is microfiber that covers it.
It is oil from your body or just wear that cause the darkness.

This is really only normal wear.
But regular material will not show use like this.
This type of material will let you know clean me.

 I did an experiment to see how well I can get microfiber clean.
Note:  not all microfiber is the same.
 Different products need to be cleaned differently.
That is why this chair did not work well with Alcohol.

The photo below shows color changes.

 This is a close up below of what I have tried and am trying. The right side I did last night. I used a wet wash cloth with Dawn orange antibacterial dish washing liquid. It did a good job DE-greasing but still no lighter in color. I then using the same cloth rinsed. I put baking soda directly on the chair arm and rubbed it all over. Then rinsed and rubbed again. Then covered it with a hand towel  and let it dry. It came out quite nice.  

Earlier today I saw a post on face book. Where they sprayed rubbing alcohol on it and rubbed it with a white sponge. Then used a scrub brush on it after it dried. The photo below shows some color change after 2 tries at the use of alcohol, sponge then scrub,  It was allot more work. And still not the same results.The alcohol is getting lighter as it sets to dry for a bit. 

                            This video will show more info on what I did.

After dawn and baking soda, it just need a few more
touch ups to look as good as the couch. 

 For now. I think the Dawn and baking soda will work better for heavy darkness . For light touch ups on the back of the chair the alcohol did work fine. 

Have a wonderful day and remember to laugh and play.

husband's health issues

 I have decided to give you an overview of my hubby's health issues.  So you have a better understanding of my concerns.
My husband  has sleep apnea, along with heart issues. He had a 5 way bypass in Jan of 06, He also had greenlight laser prostate surgery in May of 06. This left him impotent. but able to urinate normally again.   Both surgery's were very traumatic for him.  After the bypass he was never the same. Thought of lack of air to the brain came to mind. It could be ptsd. No real answer for the dramatic personality change. It is like dementia, or early Alzheimer's.

After we moved to this area, maybe a year or so later he was diagnosed with Sleep apnea.   This is were you stop breathing in your sleep. In the past I have woke up many times to dead silence. I touched him to see if he was alive. And then he would start breathing again. He wore a device for a few months that was a mask covering his mouth and nose. A fan blew air in his face. And It became impossible to sleep in the same house with him. The noise was extrema. You could  hear atrocious snoring and when he stopped breathing, I would hold my breath till I heard another noise. This device woke him many times as he said it took his breath away. So he no longer uses it. But he has now stopped snoring. But he sleeps more and more every Day. I started going to sleep when he woke up. So I am in the habit of staying up all night and sleep in the morning, But when I wake up at noon -2pm, I will find him sitting up asleep or laying down on the couch. He now sleeping to 6 +/- pm, then back to bed 10 or 11. So he is not awake much any more.

He has gained over 70 pounds. His heart doctor told him back in 06 that if he did not quit smoking he will be luck to have 6 years on the bypass. With that statement it instills the fear in me of this is year 6 as of Jan. So every day is borrowed time.
This video shows a man who take a breath every minute or so. It give a bit of an example of how this is. my husband has even yawned in his sleep. 

  
I have include links in 3 words above to give you a definition and more info.

Up date: Sleep apnea  causes chronic fatigue, and excessive sleeping. I have seen videos of other cpap machines. There is also a chance of the components burning out   and smoke coming through the mask. The makers of the device needs more improvements. hubby chose not to use this. And I agree it had no benefit for him.
I have to let him chose for himself, if and when he wants medical treatment.
After his bypass, I made a commitment I would no longer make choices for him. I explain what is happening and he makes his own choice. And I have to respect his decision as long as he is competent. If he becomes e rational, I know what his wish is. And I agree for my self too. I do not wish life support.
Have a wonderful day and remember to laugh and play.

Thoughts

It is 6:17 pm right now. And hubby is still asleep. This is when my mind wonders. When will he get up. He slept last night. And I went to bed at abt 3am. He got up. And Was asleep on the couch at noon, when I got up. He woke to go back to bed. I try not to let my mind think the worse.

Up date: he is up. :) and went back to sleep in less than 4 hours.  He does not say if any thing is wrong. He is still not talking much. And will now turn up the TV while I am speaking. So I give up. Will continue just accepting things are as they should be.

I have been keeping  my thoughts to virtual  travel . I have been watching video of Australia. Angela is on vacation there and putting up wonderful photos of her adventure. So I have enjoyed this very much. One man on Utube had a bus tour from Darwin to Perth. Then I watched his travel to France and China, I do not think I would want to visit those 2 country's.  But would love to go to India, Japan, Aussie, And a few others.

Depression post 3 of ?

After writing the first 2 posts. I seem to be some how relieved a bit. I am truly grateful for your heartfelt comments ....

I also should have kept writing at that time. As I lost my train of thought. Some times it is good to forget. But I am forgetting allot.  I am learning to accept this as being a good thing. Because reliving the past in your thoughts is part of the torture in depression.  I thought. I was free of it and doing well. I am learning to just live in the moment. And accepting, the fact this is all we have is right now.

What I am missing is hope. I can not plan a future.
I have to just get though each day one at a time.

I was trying to find something to be grateful for every day. It helps to see your life is not bad when you compare it to things that may happen to others. But it is easy to slip into self pity. Especially if you have an over analyzing mind.  I wish I could just live with out over thinking.

I found out in March or April, that my friend Mrs Darst passed away last August.  I felt so sad that I had not kept in touch with her. But I then started analyzing her life. She was an amazing person. But spent the last 5 years of her life in the worst depression.  My heart broke for her. At my last visit. We were sitting at her kitchen table, She looked up to the wall by the back door. Where she had placed her husbands photo. And she cried. She said why him and not me. Her pain was extrema. I had no words that could comfort her. They were married 71 years before he passed. I think back to this now. What made them so wonderful.
   They were kind and did not know a stranger. They both loved people. They both were happy, caring people. They did not waist money. There furniture and allot of things were 70 years old. They still lived in there first home. They did not live a disposable life. like most of us do now. Mr. Darst had a job with a pension. He never experienced loss of job security. They came from a world that started in the great depression. 

Where I had allot of fear in my life. Things today our poor quality so I only have my original bed. Amy has the dresser and chest. Every thing else has been replaced. My husband did not get a pension or job security. Even though he was loyal to his job. They were not loyal to him.

It was very hard to learn to live on very little. But thanks to having this house with no mortgage. We have a roof over our head. And we have done allot of repair and renovation to it. But My heart stayed attached to the house we sold .  So I have been living a life of homeless in a home. I miss having a hubby who leaves the house. And I look at him and wonder if he has dementia. I ask myself why he does not want to communicate. But then if he does talk to some one. It turns out to be lies. He believes what he is saying. And when I had a breakdown. It was not ok for me to be angry.

I looked it up on the internet and found a name. It is labeled retired husband syndrome.  That explains why being together 24/7 has issues. And to add medical issues to the mix, makes things worse. Some ask why I do not leave. I made a commitment for better or worse. So I try to live with the hand dealt. Also it is not him. It is my judgement, My mind is not content. My thoughts make things worse than they really are.

I try to control my judgement.  I think in my head I am too young to be living like this. I also know contentment is something I lack. My sister in law told me she is still single because there is no other man like her hubby was. Then every thing she said about him was my hubby. So he and his brother had allot of things in common. Her hubby died in 1988/9. So I realize like every one there are good and bad in all.
I also know he may not be around with his health issues. And I will not let myself wonder or  plan. I have no clue how I will survive. But I am not going to pre think this issue.

Will close for now and start another post soon.

Happiness doesn't depend on what you have or who you are, it solely relies on what you think.” - Buddha

Depression post 2 of ?

Where to begin.

Well I would have to say The forth of July was my breaking point. I think you have to have a break down to wake up and start rebuilding. It takes a hard shaking some times for you to wake up and change.  This time it was the loss of a cat named Leo. He showed up in January ,  He was a stray cat at my door. He was begging at every door on the street. He was persistent. He wanted to be loved and taken care of. And he was not taking no for an answer.  So I let him in and fed him. Every day he was in my face with his nose like a kitty kiss. Wanting his head and back rubbed. All he wanted was to be loved and to love. So I had love, that I should have made my day better. But depression did not let me feel the joy as much.  His behavior  was kinda like Crash our Manx. As in he was a cat-dog. He would go for a walk around the block with us. But he was more demanding than Crash.

One night we walked around the block and he stopped at the house that had a goat. We thought nothing of him staying there and we continued to walk. In the past Crash would stop there too. But he would go home.  I was shocked to find the person in that house out to the street with Leo in his hands throwing him to the ground and kick at him to scare him off.  I did not say any thing to the person. I felt is was my fault. I should have picked up the cat and made him go with us. But the thought of that guy harming him stuck in my head. I had the feeling and thought of some one poisoning the cat. It was kinda a fear. I knew in my heart something was going to happen. So I kept Leo in the house when we walked.  But he was not the same after that night.   Then The morning of the 4th. Jerry came in and woke me up. He said. He found Leo under the car. I went out to see him. The was no evidence of what happened. Leo had gained over a pound in weight. and was not dehydrated from heat. This broke my heart so bad. It was worse than any other cat we have ever lost. I don't know if it was because. It turned out I was right. I knew something was going to happen to him. He was too friendly. And people are mean.

But I cried so much. And started smoking again. The smoking is the only reason I got through it. The next day I was feeling better stress wise. And could finally control the crying.

Now looking back, he was a treasure. Even though it was a short time, It was for him a good life. So I can feel good about myself. That I did my best to give him a good home. And I am so grateful for the lesson he taught me.

It was be persistent.  Don't take no for an answer. And hugs and kiss's even from a kitty are to be appreciated. 

I do not know why I could not see past my self pity. Why I perceive my life to be bad. It goes back to unfulfilled expectations. I should be happy I have a roof over my head and food to eat. I just seem to feel lack.

I wish I could make myself  stop over thinking. It is mental chatter, that goes on. You know the thoughts in your head that say things like you are not ............. You should be ............ etc.   This mental chatter make you self absorbed. You turn into poor me. trauma and drama becomes your life.  I had to literally tell myself to stop. I am not a drama queen. I do not wish to be a victim. I want to be strong.  I am a survivor.  but it got to the point, anxiety would kick in, and I could not control the negative thoughts. I wished day after day I would die in my sleep. There was and is no reason for me to think this way. But I do. I have prayed , that this life would end.
  

I will stop for now. And start post 3 of ?

Depresion post 1 of ?

The last 3-4 months I have allowed myself to fall back into a depressed state. There was no real Reason other than I lost control of my ability to just get through the day OK.  Depression is caused by my mind "ego" over thinking.  All you do is over think. Your ego runs rampant. You tell your self over and over. Life sucks. You make things worse than they really are.

    I stopped smoking on the 28th of March. And I found it hard to do things like talk on the phone with out a cigaret. I know this sounds crazy but maybe I am. If you remember I quit taking the antidepressants back in September of 2011. So my only device to calm by stress was cigarets.
 It could be worse I could have been an addict or alcoholic. So I pat my self on the back. I am strong enough to resist falling into the world of extreme additions.  

What I am learning now, is my lack of gratitude for what I have lets my mind, Morn the loss of what I had. It allows me to judged and condemn my life. And the last 3-4 months. Every day I had the thought or wish, That I was no longer in this life. I would wake up disappointed, that I was still here. Yet  I do not wish to take my own life. I would just wish my time was over. No one knows what this is like till it happens to them. This thinking is hard to control. And there is no just reason for it.The antidepressants allowed you to just exist. Some would be what you could call don't give a crap pills. They let you say who cares. You could just sit in a chair and let the world go on. But you did not partake in life.

I have traveled a long road of self healing.This is my first post of telling my story of the last 3 months. And it may include my past life in general.


Lao Tzu quote "He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still.".

Enjoying life again

Sunday I took the Amtrak from Jefferson city to Kirkwood, MO. It was very relaxing and beautiful views. The train ran along the Missouri river quite a bit. The right side of the train had, views of blooming trees. walls of stone and rock. some hills were as tall as some of the mountains in West Virginia.There were nice homes and vacation spots. Time flew by, it only took about 2 hours. It was exciting when a commercial train flew past. They were faster than fast. It was like watching a blur with glimpse of a view between the cars.

My friend was waiting for me at the station. It was so nice to be in St. Louis again. But I felt like a visitor now rather than, Hay I'm home. This was hard to digest.

My nose went to work as soon as I stepped on the ground. The smell of food was every where. We then hopped in her truck. And went to one of my favorite chines buffets. And popped in for a visit to another friend named Kim. 

The next day started out with me being spoiled with pancakes and coffee.

We spent a relaxing day together. Then off to down town St. Louis. Where we grabbed a bite to eat at Union station. I spotted a photo booth like when we were kids. So we jumped in and cheated. We snapped a photo with our cell phone.  I looked around as we ate. many stores were closed. It is another sign of the rescission in full swing. There were some coin operated kid rides. I laughed and said we should hop on and act like kids again. But it was just kidding. We would have been thrown in the looney bin.

So off we went to stand in a line that was around the corner and down the next street. The Oprah show filled the building 35-3800 seats. We were in orchestra row k seat 11-12. It was like 11 rows back from the stage far left.

Here is a silly video of us rocking to the music.

Being kids again.

Oprah's life class was awesome !

Have a wonderful day and remember to laugh and play.

He's here

 Introducing Jaxon, The first Greatgrandson for our family tree.

Have a wonderful day and remember to laugh and play.

Am I dreaming

Pinch me!

I went out side and found

hyacinth are blooming

crocus are blooming

OK, this may be normal

Oh, Pinch me! Daffodil are blooming too!

This year has been full of warm weather. Along with storms.

But WOW! 

I also received exciting news-yesterday, My friend called to inform me, We were selected from the drawing of names. To attend Oprah's life class in St. Louis Missouri. On Monday, March 26. 2012. I was so happy. This show will be on OWN network TV live. And on the web live at Oprah's life class. 

And if this is not enough good new's.
This Friday at 12 noon The first Great grandson for my husband will arrive.
How amazing for me to be a GG-MOM at age 51. 

(oldest grandson)

Life is good.

Have a wonderful day and remember to laugh and play.

Silence

There is true magic in silence
You can hear and feel,your own heat beat.
experience fully the depth of your breath
And if you can silence your mind
you may even hear the whispers
messages full of answers
healing & joyful
answers

As it starts with a whisper
a clue, a book will open
you may be sitting in a diner
then you over hear a conversation containing the clue
Who would believe you found the answer
as you walked down the road.
a sign a drawing, a smile

A simple whisper would do
but no I need a truck to fall on my head
or some one to push me out of bed.
I like things the hard way

wake up
Even your hamster on a wheel
holds wisdom
You can not keep doing the same thing
over and over
try something new

watch out for all the clues
it is that simple
God will whisper in your ear
all you need to do is listen.

Have a wonderful day and remember to laugh and play.